Do You Ever Get Tired of People Who Don't Understand TTC?

Question

Even my parents don't understand sometimes. My hubby does understand. However, people say "oh just go for IVF or adopt".

We are going through IVF right now, but there is a process before the actual transfer and retrieval. Why can't people understand that. One just can't go to the IVF procedure without things leading up to it! Otherwise, we would be able to pregnant on our own!

Also, I just found out that our insurance won't cover IVF. I appealed it once when we were doing other infertility techniques with my gynocologist. Thought if I get my testing for what my IVF doctor wants at my OBGYN clinic, things would get paid for, but they are not. When I found that out, I got very nausea and anxious. How do you deal with the emotional side of TTC? Help!

Answer 1

I have been on this TTC rollercoaster for more than 5 years and been through it all including 2 IVF cycles...and I get very tired of people not understanding. Whether they mean it or not, comments can be degrading to us trying to hard and who may have very real medical issues.



Telling me to relax (Oh I DESPISE that) is not going to help the fact that I have PCOS and don't ovulate. Telling me to adopt, while it is a noble thing to do, is not going to lessen my desire for a biological child and to experience pregnancy. Why do I not deserve that experience???



As you stated, IVF is not a simple procedure and can't be done in a days time. There is so much lead up to it and medications and testing that it is far from simple.



Insurance not covering IVF is very frustrating. I have dealt with that. We ended up getting a Healthcare loan through Capital One. We have 5 years to pay it off and depending on your credit, fairly low interest is available. I have dealt with the emotional aspect of TTC by maintaining at least some interests and keeping a healthy relationship with my husband. Also, we got a puppy a short time before my first IVF (now over a year ago) and that has been a great distraction. She is like a child to me, to both of us really. Also, TTC forums have been a great outlet for me. Seek counseling if you feel you need to--there is nothing wrong with that and I did a few sessions. Best to you!!





And to digitalchinky---and for others who are irritated by the TTC term and not spelling it out--here's a clue...You are in a Trying to Concieve forum!! If you don't understand, then you shouldn't be here. I don't go to forums with topics I know nothing about and try to answer questions...because I don't want to sound like an idiot or offend. Also, to say that people understand infertility just fine is IGNORANT! What do you really know about it? And if you don't want to know intricate details then don't pay attention but there are others who do. No offense but ignorance is offensive.

Answer 2

I agree. Some people just don't understand. I don't talk about it with anyone. Not even my friends. They don't understand what its like to not be able to get preggo when all of them have been preggo before and had abortions or whatever.

I share with the people on this site because I get ogjective and honest answers without judgement or ridicule.

I hoep you get some peace. Maybe you can talk to a therapist. That might help. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

Hey dont get tired. Just like you, I am also undergoing fertility treatment. How many years are u trying to conceive? In our case that we have reproductive problems, we should be patient and take one step at a time. If others cannot or dont want to understand the process of conceiving, then explain it to them further. If still they dont understand it, then never mind. As long as you & your husband knew and understand what is going on in your treatment then, there's nothing to worry about. This fertility treatment requires much effort, patient and broad understanding. You should further your knowledge and make some research and updates regarding your problem. As to why arent you becoming pregnant so easy. I do ask myself this question. Others who are not planning to have kids, suddenly gets pregant. Some who cannot even raise a child properly, has plenty of children. But we, who are longing for the presence of just even one child, requires a lot of effort just to have that child. We are in a situation when we are feeling depressed and sad. We sometimes expect too much but it all turns out to be frustrations in the end of every visit to the OB-Gyne...So All Im telling you is dont give up. Relax and free your mind from alll worries. Worrying adds up to stress which can affect ovulation. Good luck & hope to hear from you once you conceive.

Answer 4

I can relate completely. i used to get the same **** until i finally shut down on the subject. my family doesn't even bother asking anymore. i'm so sick of trite comments and unsolicited advice from others. worse yet, i'm one of those "advanced maternal age" "high risk" ladies. i received so much negativity and discouragement from the mainstream ob/gyn's and general practitioners that i gave up on conventional ob/gyn and am now seeing a naturopath who is very knowlegeable on TTC issues; who incidentally conceived NATURALLY and gave birth to her first child at age 43!!!!!!!!!!!!!



what has helped me during this very difficult time has been a very supportive and positive naturopath AND an understanding acupuncturist who herself had TTC challenges. in fact, when i had my one and only IUI (unsuccessful), there were brochures in the office for acupuncuture! (and that doc also does bulk IVF's).



i highly recommend acupuncture. make sure you see a licensed practitioner who is FAMILIAR with TTC issues. i saw a massage therapist who was CLUELESS about TTC issues. DURING the masssage she made all kinds of stupid and unhelpful comments, and it was the worst massage i'd ever had.



That said, our challenge is to FOCUS on the positive. in my case, it is my encouraging naturopath and my wonderful acupuncturist (i've had 2 sessions so far and it has relieved much stress & anxiety).



just know you are in good company, and most of us here on TTC are all here truly for one another. i have connected with some wonderful new people here at yahoo TTC. To put it bluntly: SCREW the folks who don't understand TTC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We can't expend any of our precious enegy trying to make them understand.

Answer 5

We tried for 4 years and suffered one miscarriage before finally conceiving our baby. If I had to hear one more time "relax and it will happen -you're thinking about it too much" I would have punched someone. People that have never had trouble conceiving have no idea what it feels like. Oh, and I especially appreciated the people who found it necessary to tell me how easy it was for them to get pregnant. People can be very insensitive.

Answer 6

weve been trying for 2 1/2 years and have had 2 miscarriages and now been told ive got endometriosis which doesnt help matters!



no one who hasnt been through it themselves can ever really understand what you are going through. all of my close friends and colleagues have not had any problems getting pregnant and so i feel i cant talk to them as they dont understand. i feel even my mum doesnt even really understand even though she tries her hardest bless her to help me through the hard times. my fiance is an angel though and is as fed up as i am waiting and wishing. our whole lives practically revolve around ttc and i think everyone has given up on trying to pursuade us to go out drinking and stuff like that as we have tried to become really healthy since ttc!!



people find it hard to know what to say in difficult situations, but saying things like "just go out and get drunk and it will happen" and "just try not to think about it and relax" really really doesnt help!! its very frustrating!! ive stopped talking about ttc to many people as i get angry and upset at their attitudes/advice!!



well, theres my rant!! good luck to you!! you are not alone!! x

Answer 7

hey dunno if you'd be interested but some clinics will give you a free ivf cycle if you do egg share. This means you donate some of your unused eggs to women that can't use there's . I can't imagine what your going through as i have a child and another on the way, but i wish you all the best,

Answer 8

You're not helping the situation ma'am, please don't mistake me for being rude. I had a difficult time finding out what 'TTC' actually expands to - you could have included this in your question rather than brow beat people over something that very few will ever have to face.



Why would anyone in your situation ever get tired of people 'who don't understand' - people understand infertility just fine. People don't need to understand it in all its intricate step by step details.



I could drop some RADAR terminology that I guarantee you wont understand, does this frustrate me? Not in the slightest. (Eg. MTUR - 10 points if you can figure out what this is, as well as the formula)



For all those that don't know - TTC = "Trying To Conceive" - it has a whole bunch of sub categories and definitions:

http://pregnancyandbaby.com/pregnancy/baby/The-TTC-dictionary--Conception-and-fertility-terms-_-definitions-8.htm



To Mommy to 8 precious snow babies's - thanks, I browse all categories, I read question for their content, I don't often delve in to the sub culture of each one. I guess I screwed up in this instance no? You get a thumbs up from me.

Answer 9

what is ttc?